Lionel Monologue

I just wanted to be alone. Why could you just NOT let me be? I kept running, and running, and running. You couldn't catch the hint? I never ran from anyone or anything OTHER than you Mom. No, no I'm sorry. I should have never taken it out on you. That day at the dinghy, I was just so damn lonely. I missed Daddy. He's the only person that could have possibly cheered me up that afternoon. What probably hurt the most of all, though, was hearing Sandra's words to Mrs. Smell. She called Daddy a "big -- sloppy -- kike." How could somebody that I am forced to see every single day put down the man that I look up to like that? The man I aspire to be. Worst of all: she said it when I was there. I heard every harsh word. Looking back on it, I remember my original interpretation of Sandra's words: "a big -- sloppy -- kite." Regardless of what she said, I always knew it was negative. In fact, "kite" was probably worse to hear at the time. I already knew I never saw Daddy. I already felt that seperation. I could see the distance between him and I, growing farther and farther apart, similar to the distance between a lonely man and his soaring kite. I just wanted him to be around more. At least Mom tried, I guess. She must have had her own problems that she was dealing with, and I was never really fair to her. She just wanted answers. At least that is what I hope. There is always that chance that she was just using... No, no. Their relationship was fine. Daddy was there for Mom enough, Daddy was there for Mom enough, Daddy was there for Mom enough... Maybe Daddy wasn't so great after all... No, no, stop it! I hate Mom. She always abused me, abused my body... well, at least she was always there for you. When was Daddy ever there? No, no, Mom wanted me for selfish reasons... but she wanted you. Daddy never cared about you, and you wanted to be just like him? I haven't seen my son in nearly two months. Life on this boat has been... I hate Daddy.